in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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