Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm jealous of your bromance
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
