i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
