I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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