you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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