i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
