Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize