honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Everclear isn't food dammit
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
