Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
