I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Let's paint friendship bongs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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