where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
