who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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