I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
