Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
