Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The adults are the big ones right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
