yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
