I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
