he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
