I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
