Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
