Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
