the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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