Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
