woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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