I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize