That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
