you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
