Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
