I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
