wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
