you're like a bully in the Christmas story
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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