Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im six kinds of drunk right now
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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