i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Randomize
