Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
