hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
