She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
