just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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