I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize