it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
