yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
