Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
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