Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
