I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
