Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Actions speak louder than pants.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
