Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize