I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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