Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
two words...techno handjob
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
