I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
