Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
