gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
