Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
