So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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