She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize