I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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