I was born with a shot glass in my hand
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
