I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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