I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
