The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
