And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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