question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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