You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
