how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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