im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
