remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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