apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
