eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
