We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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