I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
