So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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