oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
