it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
