The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
