i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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