While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
