does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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