Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
