so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
