Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
where are my eyebrows?
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