He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
