Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
