I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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