why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
