Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize