He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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