u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
