I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
