Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
