Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
