Please, let me fuck your mom
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Randomize
