Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
