I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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