i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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