oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
