Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
