Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I didn't shave. On purpose
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
