This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
