What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
