Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
