my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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