I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
