you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
