Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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