it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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