Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
